Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Story of Emma & Chase

Meet Jill, the amazing woman and a mother to twins in heaven.  Jill runs the blogs Footprints in our Hearts, Journey of Love & Hope, and Vermont Angels.  Jill tragically lost both of her twins Emma & Chase after they were born prematurely.
Below is a piece of Emma & Chase's Story.................

August 12, 2009

At 24 weeks 5 days gestation, Emma (my first born) was born at 1:06 am and was 1.75 pounds 12.5 inches long. Chase (my second born) was born at 1:08 am and was 1.7 pounds and 13 inches long. They were rushed off by the NICU team to be cleaned up and stabilized. I wanted to see them right away, but I had to go to recovery first. At 2:30 am I was allowed to go back to my room and sometime around 4:30 am they brought Emma and Chase in isolates so we could see them. They told us statistics on our babies surviving. My husband and I never even thought we could lose our babies at this point. Now we are hearing statistics that we may lose them. It just didn't seem real. They were so tiny and beautiful. They were our precious miracles.
The NICU took our babies to the other hospital and were estimated to arrive at 6:00 am. I stared at the clock until 6 am when they were supposed to call. At 6:10 am they called and said they arrived safely. The only complication they had was Chase needed to be resuscitated along the way, but he and Emma were both stabilized by the time they arrived at the hospital.

At 8:30 am my doctor came in, sat down, and with tears told me that our boy had passed away at 8:10 am. They said he had respiratory failure and was just too small. Our world came crashing down as we just lost our beautiful baby boy. My husband and I held one another and sobbed. We were heartbroken and lost.
Mark packed a bag and went right to the NICU to see Chase and Emma. He called me when he got there and sent me some pictures from his phone. It wasn't until after 4 pm that I was finally able to be transferred to where my babies were. Family came to hold Chase and say their goodbyes. Mark and I held Chase and admired him. He was so perfect and beautiful. Just born too early. How could this all be happening? That is what ran through my mind over and over. It was hard knowing that we had to say goodbye to our boy. We said our final goodbyes and then tried to muster any energy we had for Emma. She was alive and fighting for her life. She needed us.  

We spent every minute we could at Emma's side. She needed a few blood transfusions and had some complications. All we could do was be there for her and hope and pray that she would be okay. Emma had the most amazing nurses in the NICU and every single one of them loved her. We would sit with her every day for as long as we could. My husband would read to her and I would just stare at her precious hands, feet, lips, and nose.

August 13 - 15, 2009

Each day seemed to bring on new complications although we still had hope. Her 2nd day in the NICU we were allowed to take her temperature and change her diapers. Emma's diaper was the first diaper I have ever changed. They were the smallest things I have ever seen. We enjoyed her changing times and touched her any chance that we were able to. We would reach in her isolate and hold her head and feet so she could feel comfort.  We took pictures when we could and even have a few videos.

August 16, 2009

This is the first day that I was allowed to hold my baby girl. I didn't get to hold Chase till after he passed so I was thrilled to hold Emma. She was connected to so many machines so the process of allowing me to hold her was a little tricky. I cannot even describe in words what it felt like the moment we touched, skin to skin. It was simply amazing. Emma's heart rate had been a little high most of the day, but as soon as she touched my chest, it went down. Emma knew she was safe in mommy's arms.

I held Emma for as long as they would allow. She made me so relaxed and holding her felt so natural. I loved kissing her on that sweet head of hers and telling her I loved her. I wish I could have held her forever. Later that day Emma passed at 5:36 pm. I think at that point I was in so much shock. I could not believe that I lost both my babies and that this was my reality. It didn't seem real. We had more opportunities with Emma after she passed as we were not offered the same things with Chase. Now that I know more, I wish I could go back. I wish I had videos and more pictures of my baby boy.

Emma had a lovely nurse named Kyleigh on her last day. Kyleigh helped us give Emma a bath and called a NILMDTS photographer to come. We wrapped Emma in her pink blanket and made some final handprint and footprint molds. I am so thankful to have these to remember her by. I would do anything to have the same for Chase. The nurse also took a small locket of Emma's hair and made us a little scrapbook with some of her things. It really touched our hearts and we are forever thankful to her. She has given us memories that we will always treasure.
August 17, 2009

This was the day we left the hospital with empty arms. It was the worst feeling in the world. We felt so alone and didn't know how to continue living without Emma and Chase here with us. We literally were just so lost and were trying to figure out how we learn to walk again. The thoughts of planning a memorial service and having them cremated turned my stomach. No one should ever have to make those decisions. Our children are supposed to outlive us. It all seemed so unfair and cruel. 

This is also the day we found out that the premature labor was due to circumvallate placenta. This is thought to be caused from deep implantation of the placenta. Because of the deep implantation, the placenta covers more than half of the fetal sac. The result of this is the placenta separating from the uterine wall. The odds of this happening are very rare. Once again I was crushed. I lost my babies due to a rare condition that I was told happens to one in a million. 

You can read the entire story of Emma & Chase here.

Jill also runs the website Vermont Angels where she photographs pictures of your babies name in nature settings in Vermont.

Jill writes....
In honor of my sweet angels, Emma and Chase, this site is dedicated to making memories for other parents of angels. I know that a big smile comes over my face when I see a picture of my babies names. This is my way of giving you a piece of Emma and Chase's home. A picture of your babies name(s) written in Vermont.

Below are some pictures of names that she has photographed for other parents' angels.  

This wasn't for my Devon but I love seeing it.

Finally Jill also has another website Journey of Love and Hope.  This is what Jill says about Journey of Love and Hope....

This blog is my journey of love and hope. It is a diary of pregnancy after loss written from the heart.  My feelings are there, they are true, and at times they consume me. I never thought I would be here. Experiencing all these emotions of becoming pregnant after losing my precious miracles. You can read more about Emma and Chase here

These weekly diary entries are to document my pregnancy, thoughts, and feelings. I want to have a place that I can share and maybe I can help others know that they are not alone. 

We found out we were expecting on Friday May 14, 2010. The expected due date is January 21, 2011. 

This is my journey... 

Thank you Jill for sharing your sweet angels Emma & Chase with us!  
Thank you for all that you do to give to others in honor of your children.  
This world is a better place because of it!


Kiran Iluri said...

wonderful information, I had come to know about your blog from my friend nandu , hyderabad,i have read all posts of yours by now, and let me tell you, your website gives the best and the most interesting information. This is just the kind of information that i had been looking for, once again hats off to you! Thanks a ton once again, Regards, muslim baby names

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